Staying Up In A Down Economy

We in the newspaper business don't appreciate the way we're often criticized for not running a lot of positive, upbeat stories. Although, frankly, it's true. But we have a perfectly sensible reason - good news just isn't all that gripping.

But we're also sensitive about this criticism because we worry that the  public will discover the news media's little secret, which is that whenever we catch wind of a positive breaking story, we actively try to squelch it for as long as possible. Why, you probably didn't know that all the footage Americans saw in 1989 of Germans' exuberantly celebrating the fall of the Berlin Wall was shot when the wall actually came down - in 1972.

These days, however, what with the news dominated by crises like the tanking economy, multiple wars raging across the globe and the threat of rogue fertilization doctors overrunning the planet with hordes of raging octuplets, scouring the morning newspaper for signs of good news has become as difficult as trying to find a healthy vein in Keith Richards' arm. So you can imagine my surprise last week when I read a genuinely encouraging story noting that last year, worldwide shark attack figures were the lowest they've been since 2003. The story quoted George Burgess, director of the International Shark Attack File at the University of Florida's Museum of Natural History, who attributed the drop in shark attacks to the slumping economy, observing that fewer vacationers making their way to the beach has likely translated into less pasty-white tourist flesh in the water for the sharks to feast on.

So the next time you hear a friend complaining about losing his job, his home, his 401K and his enthusiasm for living, you'll no doubt be able to cheer him up with a hearty, "Yeah, but on the bright side, at least you haven't been attacked by a shark!" (note: this will only work if your friend has not, in fact, been attacked by a shark).

And guess what - it turns out that a decrease in human shark bait isn't the only positive story to come out of the current economic contraction. Marriage, it appears, is being strengthened as well. That's because, according to a recent membership survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, many couples today in troubled marriages are opting to stick it out together rather than get divorced and face the prospect of trying to sell their homes in a cratered housing market. Speaking of sharks, this trend was confirmed by one of Hollywood's most notoriously hard-nosed divorce attorneys.
 
"Nowadays I just sit around waiting for the phone to ring," the attorney dejectedly told an interviewer, adding, "Some days I wonder whether it's even worth crawling out from under that rock every morning to go to work."
 
Then again, maybe your ugly, bitter and emotionally-scarring accusation-and-recrimination-filled divorce occurred before the housing bubble burst. Lucky you! Even so, you're probably still feeling the pinch from a down economy, in which case you might be thinking about making some quick cash by selling off one or two of the prized possessions you didn't lose in the divorce settlement. Well, guess what - more good news! I say that because this past week, any fears that the recession would depress prices of high-end collectibles were dispelled when the auction of late designer Yves Saint Laurent's art collection broke all kinds of sales records. The list of noteworthy items that sold included a $28 million leather armchair by French designer Eileen Gray, a $41 million painting by Matisse and a $33 million statue by Brancusi.
 
Oh sure, there were disappointments, like the Picasso with an estimated auction value of $30-35 million that had to be pulled when bidding stopped at a paltry $26 million. But overall, we should all be reassured by the results of this auction, because now we know that even when faced with economic hardship, we can always get back on our feet by simply selling off one or two of the masterpiece art works by Matisse, Degas or Monet in our collections. What a relief, right? Unless you only collected Picassos, that is, in which case I guess you're screwed.

But the point is that, if you're willing to look hard enough, even in these troubled times, you can find plenty of good news in the morning newspaper. As long as there are any newspapers left, that is.