OMG! Let's Be BFFs!
I’ve long been interested in the topic of how children resolve disputes, a fascination that dates back at least to an incident in third grade when Randy McMillan and I had a disagreement over which of us should get to play pitcher in a game of kickball at recess. After a brief discussion of the salient points, Randy and I eventually arrived at a compromise, agreeing that because he was bigger and stronger, he should probably pitch, and because I was smaller and weaker, I should probably shut up if I wanted to keep all my teeth. Handing over my lunch money might also be wise, he helpfully added.
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Every creative person toiling in obscurity harbors the dream of being discovered -- whether a sidewalk musician hoping to impress a big-time record producer passing by, the Midwestern summer stock actor who dreams of being spotted by a blockbuster movie director, or the local humor columnist trying to find a publisher for his sure-fire bestseller about an otherwise unknown small-town newspaper writer who breaks the year's biggest news story and wins the Pulitzer Prize for commentary, all while leading a double-life as a high-priced gigolo to the world's top modeling agencies.
In the future, when scholars sit down to write the history of 2011, they probably won't bother. "Siri, write the history of 2011," they'll casually say aloud, and their implanted iBrain devices will take care of the rest.
The other day I was at my favorite coffee shop, working hard on my column by watching a YouTube video of a kitten desperately attacking an apple (note: this isn't always what I do when hard at work on a column; sometimes the kitten is fending off a watermelon). Sadly, the video didn't help me think of a column topic. But then as I looked up my eye settled on a young man at another table, and suddenly it hit me: I could see his underwear! 
Like most news consumers, I love the wacky, offbeat stories that newspaper editors tend to run when they’ve got a few column inches to fill. You know the type – the bank robber who’s easily tracked down by police because he has his full name tattooed on his neck; the Halloween party guest dressed as Spiderman who gets into a fight with another guest dressed as Batman; the birth of a rare three-headed lizard where each head closely resembles a different Kardashian sister – that sort of story.
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